Week 7 – Victorian

To start us off, let us sing the national anthem:

The Great British Bake Off Great British Hymn

What do you get when you peer through the treesScreen Shot 2015-09-16 at 21.46.52

in an English country, garden?

One massive tent and a massive silverage gent

in an English country, garden.

Cakes that are fa-airy,

A judge whose name is Ma-ary

Three challenges so *harmony* sca-a-ary…

Lovely. Although you were a bit flat at times.

Signature – Raised game pieScreen Shot 2015-09-17 at 19.07.18

Technical – Tennis cake – brilliant viewing for the bakers destroying their delicate icing creations

Showstopper – Charlotte Russe – 5 1/2 hours to make?! Next.

Is it just me or have the judges started wearing insane blue contact lenses? I knew Hollywood’s were out there, but jeez Louise, they’re like the Demon Headmaster’s.

Screen Shot 2015-09-16 at 21.59.09 Screen Shot 2015-09-16 at 21.59.29

Of all the rounds, Victorian isn’t exactly the most pleasing to their insane eyes… a mixture of dog food stuffed thick-crusted pie and gelatin galore.

Screen Shot 2015-09-16 at 22.22.56 Screen Shot 2015-09-16 at 22.21.00

But this week had some golden Bake Off editing moments – oh the fun they must have in that windowless, smelly, stuffy editing suite!

Paul: Week seven, we’re going into the top end now. The slightest mistake? It’s not something you want to be doing.

(Tamal drops an egg on the floor)

Tamal: I’ve made some slight mess already

Nadiya: If I overlap the lady fingers, there won’t be a leakage

(Mat clearly hasn’t overlapped his fingers)

Mat: I’m happy with that

Mel’s narration: The meringue should be smoothe

(Mat spoons out the lumpiest meringue ever to be created by man or beast)

And lastly, proving Tamal is clearly the bad boi of baking…

Tamal: I’ve never even thought of making sugar paste, it’s weird

Nadiya: I have made it before. I actually made it yesterday.

She was worried she’d shot herself in the foot. No Nads, you’ve just slaughtered your tent cred.

The fashion thought of the week is a positive nod to Mel’s hipster attempt with the rolled up trousers and loafers. Good show. But the hurr? Nat good.

Screen Shot 2015-09-16 at 21.55.14 Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 18.55.20

Fast becoming my favourite section, it’s time for:

Mary’s Face of the Week

Screen Shot 2015-09-16 at 22.03.17


Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 18.50.29She’s a big fan of Victorian ‘frocks’ which explains so much of her style. Sure, we all love a vintage look, but Victorian attire is admired more in the ‘school drama department wardrobe’ kind of way, rather than a look you would genuinely emulate.

Her outfit this week? One for Room 101. Sound of Music meets HIDEOUS PUMPS.

Screen Shot 2015-09-16 at 22.04.16I do love her flexi-ruler use though – I had a pink one.

Great school memories, it was the source of so many games.

Wrapping it around your wrist and trying to flick someone. And then wrapping it around your wrist again and trying to flick someone else. And then wrapping it around… and so on and so forth.

But that is where our similarities end.

‘Game was actually one of the first things I cooked. I entered a competition at school and cooked pheasant.’

Well good for you Flo. I once made a fruit salad in my Home Economics class.

Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 18.45.25Her pie was burnt to shit, but apparently that’s a good thing!? The judges’ definitions of a good bake are becoming increasingly fluid…


Screen Shot 2015-09-16 at 22.26.16Have already mentioned the dropped egg, he’s really not giving anesthetists the best image… and let’s hope he washed his thermometer between the game pie and his tennis cake…

He was too cute with his Arabian nights pie plan with roses from the garden where the story is being told. Looked gorge. Love a back story/ bake story.Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 19.25.07

He was the only one who managed to get some moisture into that monster of a pie and only went and got the handshake for it.

And those layers?! Gush gush.


She had a solid week and did really well in pretty much all of the rounds. Final potential? Possibly.

We all want her in the running as long as possible for…

Nadiya’s Worried Face of the Week

Cheeky Nads managing to slip one in behind Hollywood (saucy).

Screen Shot 2015-09-16 at 22.21.43I might have to add Nadiya’s Smug Face of the Week as her confidence is climbing with compliments.

Screen Shot 2015-09-16 at 22.25.06

‘Yea I know my pie is delicate Mary. Thanks bae.’


We all appreciate a pie-pun, but boar?! Grim.

Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 18.57.56Paul was serving us Attenborough vibes as he was filmed straight from the kitchen jungle – ‘I’m here amongst the wild pans, needless to say things are heating up.’

I got super excited about his apple swans but they turned out to be a bit of a let down really.

Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 19.21.22Sure they’re impressive, but they must be the most pointless addition to plate. I guess with his you know they’re fresh, unlike the ones in Chinese restaurants that are dry and gross.


If anyone else had a genuinely authentic ancient pie tin our twat bells would be ringing, but Mat is just too modest and sweet for any of the sort.

‘That’s my mate Dave’s mum’s tin. Sheila.’

But not being a twat won’t get you that trophy, and Mat was doomed from the start.

1) When he was working with his green icing he looked like the make-up artist prepping for The Mask.

Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 19.02.26

2) He baked his icing until it looked like ‘the tennis court from hades’ (Hollywood)/ French Fries crips.

Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 19.28.05Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 19.09.49

The shot of Nads realising he’d baked the icing is worthy of a comedy show

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3) His ladies fingers were fat as fuck with massive gaps
Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 19.15.52

4) He was a bit gross and sweaty (he’s only human, but still).

Screen Shot 2015-09-16 at 22.18.10

But still, he’s just so lovely. Paul was really sarcy about his technical saying ‘great icing’ and Mat just said ‘yeah’. Who else would be able to deal with that dig!? Lord knows Nads couldn’t.


Screen Shot 2015-09-16 at 22.14.24I’m becoming a bit scared of Ian. He’s very polite, posh and neat. But is also casually boiling pig’s feet and cooking animals he’s found on the side of the road.


I was always fascinated with road kill growing up so understand completely where Ian is coming from. (Don’t judge me, I wanted to be a vet.)

I hope one of his famous guinea fowl wasn’t involved this week.

Also his lady fingers cutter invention was completely over the top and basically Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 19.17.19inspired by beheadings… he just needed to borrow Flo’s flexi-ruler.

But it clearly was all for a greater cause – his crown was undeniably incred. The others looked like they were experiencing a combo of hatred, jealousy, and appreciation without know which one to go with on their faces. It started with hatred, but ended with appreciated as he got a round of applause when he finished (a Bake Off first)!

Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 19.21.55Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 19.22.12Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 19.22.04

Tamal is star baker!Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 18.52.32

All aboard the Tamal Express… ‘Woo woo!’

He kind of didn’t know whether to clap for himself bless him.

Mat is out!

Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 19.27.07How cute when Flo nestled into his arm!? If she breaks up his lovely marriage I will find her and I will hurt her.

Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 22.19.18

Mel and Sue

‘Tatty bye. Tatty bye now. Lots of love but leave.’

Sue to Paul: ‘This is a question I’ve obviously asked a million times but how long did it take you to get into carving fruit?’

‘Oooh sir’ Sue over Tamal’s layers

Innuendo of the week

‘I never thought I’d get a handshake’ Tamal gets what he baked for

Until next time…


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