To start us off, let us sing the national anthem:
The Great British Bake Off Great British Hymn
in an English country, garden?
One massive tent and a massive silverage gent
in an English country, garden.
Cakes that are fa-airy,
A judge whose name is Ma-ary
Three challenges so *harmony* sca-a-ary…
Lovely. Although you were a bit flat at times.
Technical – Tennis cake – brilliant viewing for the bakers destroying their delicate icing creations
Showstopper – Charlotte Russe – 5 1/2 hours to make?! Next.
Is it just me or have the judges started wearing insane blue contact lenses? I knew Hollywood’s were out there, but jeez Louise, they’re like the Demon Headmaster’s.
Of all the rounds, Victorian isn’t exactly the most pleasing to their insane eyes… a mixture of dog food stuffed thick-crusted pie and gelatin galore.
But this week had some golden Bake Off editing moments – oh the fun they must have in that windowless, smelly, stuffy editing suite!
Paul: Week seven, we’re going into the top end now. The slightest mistake? It’s not something you want to be doing.
(Tamal drops an egg on the floor)
Tamal: I’ve made some slight mess already
Nadiya: If I overlap the lady fingers, there won’t be a leakage
(Mat clearly hasn’t overlapped his fingers)
Mat: I’m happy with that
Mel’s narration: The meringue should be smoothe
(Mat spoons out the lumpiest meringue ever to be created by man or beast)
And lastly, proving Tamal is clearly the bad boi of baking…
Tamal: I’ve never even thought of making sugar paste, it’s weird
Nadiya: I have made it before. I actually made it yesterday.
She was worried she’d shot herself in the foot. No Nads, you’ve just slaughtered your tent cred.
The fashion thought of the week is a positive nod to Mel’s hipster attempt with the rolled up trousers and loafers. Good show. But the hurr? Nat good.
Fast becoming my favourite section, it’s time for:
Mary’s Face of the Week
She’s a big fan of Victorian ‘frocks’ which explains so much of her style. Sure, we all love a vintage look, but Victorian attire is admired more in the ‘school drama department wardrobe’ kind of way, rather than a look you would genuinely emulate.
Her outfit this week? One for Room 101. Sound of Music meets HIDEOUS PUMPS.
Great school memories, it was the source of so many games.
Wrapping it around your wrist and trying to flick someone. And then wrapping it around your wrist again and trying to flick someone else. And then wrapping it around… and so on and so forth.
But that is where our similarities end.
‘Game was actually one of the first things I cooked. I entered a competition at school and cooked pheasant.’
Well good for you Flo. I once made a fruit salad in my Home Economics class.
He was the only one who managed to get some moisture into that monster of a pie and only went and got the handshake for it.
And those layers?! Gush gush.
She had a solid week and did really well in pretty much all of the rounds. Final potential? Possibly.
We all want her in the running as long as possible for…
Nadiya’s Worried Face of the Week
Cheeky Nads managing to slip one in behind Hollywood (saucy).
‘Yea I know my pie is delicate Mary. Thanks bae.’
We all appreciate a pie-pun, but boar?! Grim.
I got super excited about his apple swans but they turned out to be a bit of a let down really.
If anyone else had a genuinely authentic ancient pie tin our twat bells would be ringing, but Mat is just too modest and sweet for any of the sort.
‘That’s my mate Dave’s mum’s tin. Sheila.’
But not being a twat won’t get you that trophy, and Mat was doomed from the start.
1) When he was working with his green icing he looked like the make-up artist prepping for The Mask.
2) He baked his icing until it looked like ‘the tennis court from hades’ (Hollywood)/ French Fries crips.
The shot of Nads realising he’d baked the icing is worthy of a comedy show
4) He was a bit gross and sweaty (he’s only human, but still).
But still, he’s just so lovely. Paul was really sarcy about his technical saying ‘great icing’ and Mat just said ‘yeah’. Who else would be able to deal with that dig!? Lord knows Nads couldn’t.
I was always fascinated with road kill growing up so understand completely where Ian is coming from. (Don’t judge me, I wanted to be a vet.)
I hope one of his famous guinea fowl wasn’t involved this week.
But it clearly was all for a greater cause – his crown was undeniably incred. The others looked like they were experiencing a combo of hatred, jealousy, and appreciation without know which one to go with on their faces. It started with hatred, but ended with appreciated as he got a round of applause when he finished (a Bake Off first)!
All aboard the Tamal Express… ‘Woo woo!’
He kind of didn’t know whether to clap for himself bless him.
Mat is out!
Mel and Sue
‘Tatty bye. Tatty bye now. Lots of love but leave.’
Sue to Paul: ‘This is a question I’ve obviously asked a million times but how long did it take you to get into carving fruit?’
‘Oooh sir’ Sue over Tamal’s layers
Innuendo of the week
‘I never thought I’d get a handshake’ Tamal gets what he baked for
Until next time…